To be a dad…

Wow, yesterday as always turned out like any other day, but yet I always struggle on it. Father’s Day. What does it mean to you. I know what it means to me. I get to let my Dad know how much I love him and that of course is what makes that day so special. But is that what makes it special. For me it does because I don’t have children of my own. All I can do is spread the warmth to those around me in hopes that I can put a smile on a niece or nephews face. My nephews and nieces all make me proud, they all make me want to just hold and hug them and I think this is what it is that I struggle with. I get that closeness from them but yet, I still feel an emptiness inside that I am sure only comes from not having children of my own. My own blood, my own little minds that I can help become all they can be.

 

Such a hole in my world. Yesterday was filled with so much happiness and family as I was able to witness my niece Shawnee graduating from high school. I was a very proud Uncle and I could see the love and admiration and complete devotion on my brother’s face as he saw his daughter walking up and receiving her diploma.

My god what a proud moment for him, for her, and for the rest of the family, but yet…for me there is still something missing.  I never take for granted the times I get to spend with my father.  I may not spend enough time with him, but I do cherish the times I do get.  Dad, I love ya man.  You are and always will be my Dad. 

My wife Leanne has two daughters in their early twenties.  She has no desire yet for them to become parents as they just aren’t ready for that kind of thing quite yet but  I can’t wait for them to have kids.  Being able to live my dream of being a dad thru them as a grandfather will be nothing short of amazing.  I can’t wait.  The thought of being able to hold them, to cuddle them, to reassure them that life is good is something that I dream about all the time. 

Please J and J, dont rush but please hurry up…lol

oh….to be a dad.